Now, I know there are probably several of you who are new, maybe coming over here from Twitter or FB and you’re probably wondering what sort of credentials I have for offering a fashion round-up. Well, none, really. Other than I have a lifelong love of fashion and actually, did grow up around the industry, with my mother, in her day, serving as a production pattern maker for several high end sportswear and evening wear designers (if you ever watch pageants, you’ve definitely seen stuff she worked on– even now. Those patterns last forever.). She’s also quite an accomplished seamstress in her own right, making various gowns and dresses for me throughout my life, including the Edwardian-styled creation that was my wedding gown.

Twenty yards of silk taffeta, point d’Alençon lace, and over 10K pearls, y’all– the woman may drive me nuts, but that’s love, you know? Also, I have no idea who let me get married that young.

Needless to say, I still love fashion and adore dressing in red carpet style when the occasion demands (sweats the rest of the time, for I am nothing if not practical), and when awards season rolls around, watch avidly to see who’s wearing what and who pissed off their stylist. Seriously, you’d think Sarah Jessica and J-Lo would learn, right?

Anyhow– the Golden Globes.

*disclaimer: all pictures the property of their respective photographers/agencies. No infringement intended, no profit being made.

Huh. Well, dear readers, sad to say, I was seriously underwhelmed with a side of WTF were they thinking? on occasion. I don’t even know where to start, exactly, so I guess I’ll just dive on in.

First case of WTF, Paula Patton. Girl, I think it’s illegal to have skinned Big Bird and wear him as a dress. I’m sure he’s on the endangered species list. Seriously, very, very few people can wear that color (and I acknowledge my own bias against it, since I really do dislike yellow) but I think if you’re going to wear it, sleek and streamlined is the way to go, not misguided prom gown.

Speaking of misguided. And they presented together. Piper and Sarah Michelle… girls, did you consult with each other ahead of time? I think not.

Okay, Piper. You’re a lovely lady with a lithe figure. You also have no curves or chest to speak of. Whoever put you in a gown that has a bodice more commonly found on holiday dresses for toddlers needs to be spanked. Severely. Couple that with the skirt that nearly swallowed poor Peter Dinklage and we have an issue of proportions. Now, Sarah Michelle… sweetie, I actually did want to like your gown. I will admit to applauding the use of the fabric—I thought it was vibrant and different, but as I’ve said before and will probably say until the end of time, if one aspect of the gown really stands out, in this case, the pattern of the fabric, it’s best to keep everything else streamlined. There was just too much going on with the poofy skirt and the peplum. I applaud your hair and jewelry, however. They were simple and worked.

End result, Piper and Sarah Michelle looked like a pair of meringues.

There seemed to be a slight trend of video game screens doubling as dress bodices. Zooey, Salma, step forward, if you please?