After my last thinky-thoughts, navel-gazing post, we’re back to the frivolity and snark of fashion. I’m nowhere near as good as the Fug Girls, but I do my part. Like the Golden Globes, I was left more or less underwhelmed by the fashions—only a couple of gowns really stood out with one in particular and those of you who know me, will know well which one, that gave me the feeling of OMG WANT.
Okay, first things first: I know the Muppets are back in this year, but would designers please, please, please stop sacrificing their pelts? Nancy O’Dell and Viola Davis, come on down!
Like Paula Patton, Nancy felt the need to channel Big Bird while Viola… Dang, Viola, I really wanted to love on you and your gown. And I know a lot of people really seemed to, but… I just couldn’t get into it. First off the green was just so… Kermit-like. The satin was almost too too heavy and smooth (kind of rendering it with a pleather-like appearance) and the embellishments seemed as if they’d been applied with the leaf tip of a pastry bag. Besides, those of you who’ve been around these parts know how I feel about doing that to The Girls. They just didn’t look comfortable.
Channeling Elmo was Emma Stone. Actually, scratch that—while the color was quite Elmo-esque, most of my Twitter feed hit the nail on the head when they said she was auditioning for a role as a Lexus. Can’t say I disagree—I’m not a fan of bows in general and this abomination was just… well. Girl wore it with confidence at least.
As for the actual Muppet fashionista in the audience? Miss Piggy looked quite fetching in a custom Zac Posen with Fred Leighton jewelry. Girl’s been doing this a long time and it showed.
(Seriously ladies, when the Muppet outdoes most of you on the red carpet, it’s time to consider firing your stylist.)
I dunno, like I said, I was fairly underwhelmed overall. Like any year, there were a few actively bad gowns, but mostly it was a collection of meh with a side of “Really? Not that it’s bad, but you thought that looked good on you?”
White seemed to be fairly predominant last night with a range of va-va voom to “Oh, girl, no. Just.. no.”
I’m just not even sure what to make of this. It might work on the ballroom floor (no, really, give it a more flowing skirt and strategic inserts in the bodice, and it wouldn’t be bad, for a white dress), but to present at the Oscars? Oh, and her stylist is claiming the gown had “special cups” to prevent any accidents, that the dress was a magnificent confection of nude and white fabrics (or summat like that) and the joke was on those of us who thought we saw something. Got news for you sunshine—there’s not that much nude fabric where most of us saw the slippage. I just couldn’t shake the feeling she was eyeing down Rooney Mara from the stage and thinking, “See, little one? I don’t have to pierce my Girls to get them international attention.”
The rest of the look? Eh—typical J-Lo. Shiny face, skinned back bouffant, blah, blah, blah. Whatevs.
Going on with the white theme: Continue reading